Black and white thinking can have us lumping together different ideas. So, for example, it may feel as though emotionally charged concepts are interchangeable. This tendency occurs frequently in those struggling with perfectionism, who use the defense against either extreme self-doubt, the persistent questioning of one’s worth, or self-loathing, the certainty that one is innately bad. Perfectionism, particularly the moral kind, is a way of managing distress by creating a concrete barrier against emotional harm, especially the internal form of it.

Perfectionism, however, is only one way to manage one’s emotional spirals. Another is a deeper understanding, and acceptance (which is key), of the concepts involved; grasping why, to them, they’ve been tied together for so long; and how to separate them. Fundamentally, this is a depiction of nuance. With perfectionism, disappointment, guilt, and shame are often synonymous terms for a particular construct. During the ruminative spiral, the thinking tends to go like this: “Does this mean I’m a bad person?” “Do they hate me for disappointing them?” “I’m not allowed to make mistakes.” “Will they abandon me?” Yet, these are three distinct........

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