Children can be, and usually are, demanding. A parent may recall their fussy child’s tantrums over a particular meal or toy, remembering the challenge of getting it just right. Children expect, and rightfully so, their parents to know what’s good for them, even when they don’t know themselves. Ultimately, it’s the parent’s responsibility to calm, which all of us accept as the natural state of things. However, this way of being also constitutes other-oriented perfectionism, or the demanding adult who expects others, especially significant others, to soothe them.

Sometimes, these perfectionists hold others to high but articulated standards. So, you’d have some understanding of what you’re supposed to do, think, or even look like in certain settings. They’re rigid and uncompromising, but at least known. Yet, at others, the perfectionist expects you to “figure it out.” Together, these standards are about managing the perfectionist’s poorly regulated emotions. They struggle with feeling out of control, feelings of worthlessness and unlovability, and the intense fear of being exposed as an imposter. Each is kept at bay at the expense of another. The world tends to revolve around........

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