The Science of Mating

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Dating in the 21st century is hard—it is both taxing and activating.

Studies confirm that dating apps negatively affect the mental health and well-being of users.

Therapy can be a great tool to help you date in a way that feels more manageable and fulfilling.

Dating in the 21st century is hard. Singles are both overwhelmed and underwhelmed. Overwhelmed by the number of apps and an infinite sea of prospective partners/dating app users. Underwhelmed by the quality of their matches, interactions, and dating experiences.

Many of my clients have expressed discontent with the current dating environment and culture. Common words I continue to hear in my practice to describe dates include: flaky, inconsiderate, inconsistent, low effort. Other words or phrases that have been used to describe one's feelings around dating and the experience as a whole include: lonely, behind, discouraged, burnt out, and jaded.

And research continues to confirm the negative effects of dating apps on one's mental health and well-being. For example, a study in 2020 by Holtzhausen et al. linked the use of swipe-based dating applications and mental health challenges including higher levels of anxiety, depression and distress.

Dating Is Taxing and Activating

You might be thinking, “OK, yes, dating sucks—I already know that. But why does it affect me so much?”

So often my clients express frustration with how much of a toll dating has taken on them—and this is understandable. It really shouldn’t be this hard or this arduous.

But as a clinician, I see it very clearly. Dating can be detrimental to one’s mental health because it is both taxing and activating.

It’s taxing because it requires so much time, energy, and emotion. You........

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