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Dating continues to be challenging for many singles seeking meaningful connection and a healthy relationship.

Emotional availability is crucial in building a relationship grounded in equity, kindness, and mutual respect.

Being emotionally available is both about one's readiness and the skills and capacity to be a healthy partner.

Signs of emotional availability include curiosity, empathy, consistency, accountability, and mental wellness.

Dating today is hard. There is a haphazard quality to it. People are mindlessly swiping and liking, matching and un-matching, and messaging and then ghosting.

Singles are feeling burnt out and jaded by the casualness of it all. I can't tell you how often I hear the terms "low effort" and "red flags" in my practice.

There seems to be a general lack of intention and thoughtfulness. There also appears to be a lack of basic communication, respect, and maturity. Ultimately, it seems like there is a real struggle to find and connect with someone who is legitimately emotionally available.

Being "emotionally available" is more than the desire and readiness for a relationship

For most single people, someone being "emotionally available" means they are in a very specific headspace—that they want and are ready for a committed relationship. They aren't dating for the sake of dating. They aren't still attached to a previous relationship or hung up on a phantom ex. They aren't distracted.

However, I firmly believe that the desire and readiness for a relationship are only two aspects of being emotionally available. I believe being emotionally available is so much more.

As a therapist who specializes in abuse and healthy relationships, my definition of emotional availability is "being ready and having the capacity for a mature, mutually respectful, and committed relationship."

This means that a person (1) is not attached to someone or something that would prevent them from fully committing to a partnership and (2) has the skills and capacity to communicate and problem-solve effectively, express and manage their emotions appropriately, empathize and engage in perspective-taking, and respect the other person's autonomy and personhood.

These are the qualities both partners need for a healthy relationship grounded in equity, kindness, and mutual respect.

These people do exist

You might be thinking, "Do these people actually exist?" The answer is, yes—they absolutely do. It just........

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