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Stepparents and stepchildren relate to each other in many different ways.

Stepparents can intentionally build either close or distant bonds with stepchildren.

One key in how a steprelationship develops is how stepchildren see the stepparent's contributions.

Parents may influence how stepparents and stepchildren connect to each other.

Are all stepparents alike? Are all stepparent-stepchild relationships similar?

A few years ago, we asked 49 young adult stepchildren to tell us about their relationships with stepparents—when they met, what relationships were like, and if bonds changed over time. In this study, we found that stepparents and stepchildren have widely varying relationships. We found six distinct patterns of stepparent-stepchild relationships. Here they are.

1. Accepting as a Parent

Most of the stepchildren who had a stepparent they accepted as a parent were infants or toddlers when their parent repartnered. For these stepchildren, the stepparent had always been in their lives, and for them, having three parental figures (a mother, a father, and a stepparent) was normal.

Nearly all these relationships were described as close, but just as in relationships with parents, stepchildren sometimes clashed with stepparents when growing up. Adolescence was often rough because they wanted more freedom, and stepparents pushed back. These relationships, however, fortified over years of receiving love, care, and support, withstood tough times when stepchildren were adolescents.

In some families where stepchildren accepted a stepparent as a parent figure, the stepparent lived with the stepchild for all or most of the time and became a primary parental figure, while the nonresidential parent was relegated to backup status. These children had little contact with nonresidential parents, and daily responsibilities of caregiving and parenting fell to the stepparent and parent in the home.

In other families, both parents and the stepparent engaged in children’s upbringing. Coparents got along well with each other and made room for stepparents in child-rearing. These stepchildren had three or four parental figures and never felt........

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