Those raised in dysfunctional families may learn to ignore their own needs to maintain safety and connection.

People-pleasing, over-functioning, and self-sacrifice can make boundary-setting feel threatening in adulthood.

Boundaries can be learned at any age and are a core part of breaking intergenerational cycles of trauma.

Veronica was exhausted. Every year, she felt pressure to drive five hours with her kids to visit her parents for the Christmas holiday. One of her sons had a disability, which made the trip even more stressful due to needing to stop frequently when he got overstimulated. When they arrived at her parents’ house, she was expected to smile, cook, and socialize. “It never works perfectly,” she said. “The kids are tired, they argue, and everyone just wants a nap, but my parents expect smiles and cheer! And when we aren’t happy, because we are exhausted, they make mean comments and make me feel like a bad daughter and a bad mother.”

By the time the weekend ends, Veronica and her husband are usually at odds, and the ride home is miserable. “I wish I could decide not to go… but I feel like I can’t. Or… can I?” she........

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