The Fundamentals of Sex

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Sexual self-awareness mirrors and shapes patterns in an individual's broader relationships and life.

Difficulty asserting sexual needs often reflects wider issues with boundaries and self-expression.

Sexual freedom is a component of psychological freedom.

This is part 1 of a two-part post. Here in part 1, we’ll explore the obstacles and resistances that stand in the way of sexual freedom. Part 2 explores the sexual underbelly: our motivation and intent in desire, and communication about sex.

If we truly listened to ourselves, we would better understand how to navigate sexual matters. This requires courage and self-reflection.

Sometimes we discover that we are tired of standing on the proverbial sidelines of our lives. We may feel afraid to be assertive, set boundaries, or ask for what we need in romantic, work, or friend relationships. We may find ourselves thinking about unfulfilled desires, wondering why we are chronically people-pleasing, or feeling guilty about seemingly benign matters. These patterns can come crashing in on our awareness.

As a therapist, I often observe that our approach to sex—our feelings, satisfaction, and ability to express needs—mirrors our approach to life overall.

A Few Questions to Consider

If you tend to be a people pleaser, how comfortable are you asserting your sexual needs with your partner? You may find fulfillment in pleasing others, but are your own needs being met?

Consider whether this pattern extends to other areas of your life. Do your sexual fantasies align with what you communicate to your partner? What holds you back? Is there a........

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