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Tune in to what your kindness is trying to accomplish.

Separate your efforts to be understanding from accepting disrespect.

Let your kindness center on you as a person versus what you give.

Each week during parent coaching sessions, I hear something that goes like this: "Jimmy (age 31, fictitious name) constantly snaps at me, dismisses my feelings, and only reaches out when he needs something." Yet so many parents on the receiving end of similar rudeness still buy groceries, send money, rearrange their schedules, and carefully word each text. Later, these parents wonder: "Why am I doing so much for someone who treats me this way?"

The answer usually runs deeper than "I'm too nice." Look, I get it: You love your child, and you remember your happier moments. You hope your next thoughtful gesture will soften the tension and bring back the connection you miss. Wanting that connection isn't foolish. But when kindness becomes your strategy for preventing rejection, you can lose sight of your own needs.

A Brief Example of Susan and Veronica

Let's consider a woman I'll call Susan who contacted me last week about her adult daughter Veronica (fictitious name as well), who criticizes her and then asks her to cover another one of many bills.........

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