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Disagreement often reflects different values, not faulty reasoning.

Asking what someone cares about improves understanding and dialogue.

Disagreement can reveal insight, not just division.

Have you ever seen two people about to have a difficult conversation square off for an argument like they’re ultimate fighters or two bucks about to crash their antlers together? That may work in the ring or in the wild, but it never works to persuade another person or even to understand them.

When someone sees the world differently than we do, our instinct is to figure out who is right and who is wrong. Conversations become debates. Differences become obstacles. The goal shifts from understanding another person to convincing them of our own view. We marshal arguments, present evidence, and try to demonstrate why our position is superior. When this fails, frustration grows. The other person seems unreasonable, and the conversation breaks down.

This is both natural and understandable when we assume that positions are wholly rational. If reasoning is applied correctly, it should lead to the same conclusions for everyone. If someone disagrees with your position, it can feel like they are missing something, overlooking evidence, or simply thinking incorrectly.

How we decide the best course of action is shaped not only by what we know, but by what we value. The priorities we hold – whether we emphasize security or freedom, loyalty or fairness, stability or change – influence how we see situations, what we notice, and what we consider important. Moreover, these........

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