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Family conflict is common when a loved one is dying.

A Japanese study reported that 42 percent of families had at least one argument during the end-of-life phase (Betkowski, 2020). A Canadian study surveying palliative care and hospice nurses and physicians found that as many as 80 percent of families experience end-of-life conflict (Wilson et al., 2022).

Past distrust or hurt feelings can emerge when families come together around the death of a loved one. The emotional stress of losing a loved one, anxiety related to witnessing the dying process, and anticipatory grief can also incite rising tensions among family members gathered at the bedside.

Even after the loss, hurt feelings and estrangement can persist. Chronic unforgiveness or grudges may erode health for surviving family members, while forgiving responses may actually enhance it (Witvliet et al., 2001).

Allegra Goodman’s latest novel, This Is Not About Us, shares a slice-of-life, relatable story about a multigenerational family facing a significant loss. When a squabble over an apple cake ruptures the relationship between Sylvia and Helen in the wake of their sister’s death, the family’s story doesn’t end there, despite their estrangement.

Heather Rose Artushin: Share a bit about your background and what inspired you to write This Is Not About Us.

Allegra Goodman (AG): I am a novelist with a strong interest in families. This Is Not About Us began as a........

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