Why Relationships Matter

Take our Can You Spot Red Flags In A Relationship?

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Take notes about your reactions to your date immediately after your first date.

First impressions are often more accurate than what you tell yourself after you are emotionally involved.

If you did not enjoy yourself, do not rationalize your feelings away.

You may need to ignore well-meant advice that you are single because your standards are too high.

After listening to dozens of my clients describe their dating life and how subsequent relationships actually turned out, I realized something interesting: My clients’ initial impressions of the people they dated were often most accurate during their first date than after they became romantically and sexually involved.

Let me give you an example so you can see what I mean. Carol’s situation was typical.

Carol and Her Dating Journal

Carol is an attractive widow in her 50s who entered therapy with the goal of finding a new partner who would be a better match for her than her late husband. She said she knew she needed therapeutic help because she seemed to always end up with incredibly selfish men.

I knew my late husband had problems right from the beginning. There were some red flags. But I was really tired of being single, and I told myself that he was a good man and we could make it work. The reality is that we were a bad match and should never have married.

I believed that Carol was setting the bar for good behavior too low and was overlooking important early evidence that her dates were all too self-centered to be a good partner for her.

Carol’s homework was to write a page of her first impressions about the way the man treated her during their........

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