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A love-based approach can fuel follow-through when habit systems stall.

Treat setbacks like data, not failure, to stay engaged with your training plan.

Celebrate others’ progress to boost your own motivation and consistency.

Last week, a coaching client challenged me to do 100 push-ups—in eight weeks, to be able to do 100 push-ups over four sets: 40, 30, 20, 10. Of course I got to it right away.

Not because I wanted to prove myself or even because I care that much about how many push-ups I can do—but because I wanted to support him.

You see, he is also making a change over the next eight weeks, one that is much more personal, with higher stakes.

Love-Based Goal-Setting

We know how to make tiny habits by now: set a goal, choose small steps, cue the behavior, reward the behavior.

Why is it that even when we do those things, we can’t seem to follow through? I think we need something bigger than habits for true transformation. And that thing is love.

The Four Immeasurables

In Buddhism, there are four kinds of love, described as the “four immeasurables” that are hidden sources of power, motivation, and endless energy. Here is how you can use them to get to 100 push-ups, or whatever goal you want to reach.

When you act from kindness, it feeds back energy to you.

For example, the first semester of college is a notoriously hard season of transition and change. In a 2024 study of 193 college students, researchers gave students a 42-item "acts of kindness checklist":

Take on extra work to lighten someone’s load.

Put out or return a neighbor’s trash.

Make conversation with a cashier.

Acts of kindness improved their well-being and reduced anxiety and loneliness.

You can add a little kindness to your goal-setting and ask yourself:

How can you link this change to helping others?

Does this choice benefit more than just you?

How can you do this with more openness, playfulness, and care?

2. Steady Love (Upekkha)

At his 80th birthday, meditation teacher Jack Kornfield said, “Things are continuously out of balance against a background of perfect balance.”

Equanimity is finding your way to that background of balance.

We find balance through repetition, consistency, and remembering our inherent OK-ness.

What is one consistent practice you can repeat every day?

What helps you remember that you are inherently OK (whether you reach your goal or not)?

What keeps you grounded while you make this change?

3. Appreciative Love (Mudita)

Mudita is being happy for someone else’s progress. Neuroscientists describe this as vicarious reward: your brain’s reward systems can activate when you see someone else succeed, especially when you feel connected to them (or see them as similar to you).

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Take on an abundance mindset, wish others well, and let their successes inspire you.

Who are you proud of?

Whose progress makes you feel hopeful?

How can you join them (not beat them)?

4. Compassionate Love (Karuna)

Compassion is driven by our desire to alleviate pain—our own and others’.

This is especially important when the effort gets hard, boring, or uncomfortable. There will be moments when you don’t feel like doing the thing.

What is worth being uncomfortable for?

What is worth dedicating my time to?

Who or what am I helping by doing this?

One week into my push-up extravaganza, my husband and son have joined the cause. We just finished 30 on my kitchen floor. Mudita all the way.

© Psychology Today