Fast courtship can put people at risk for abusive relationships.

Divorce is a process that has patterns that begin in courtship.

People benefit from being careful observers in the beginning of a new relationship.

Years ago, I remember hearing that it’s often what we choose not to look at in our lives that rules our lives.

Never was I more reminded of that than when reading the hot bestselling memoir, Strangers, by Belle Burden. Much of the focus of both the overwhelming praise and some of the criticism is because it tells a story of Burden’s marriage to a man who up and left her and their three children and did so while also trying to wholly control their financial situation.

The reader learns that Burden came of age in a family that reached the pinnacle of wealth and when she entered into the marriage, she assumed she and her husband would share their resources. However, the reader learns her shock and horror that he kept much in his name only, denying her shared access and resources.

Upon finishing the book, some readers have emerged saying it’s all about the finances and whether or not Burden provided an accurate account of what happened, while other readers insist the story isn’t about the money at all but rather about her ex-husband suddenly exiting his family’s life. Some headlines of stories about the book have claimed that Burden has gotten women to pay closer attention to their financial realities in marriage and to also get angry with their own husbands, generating a marriage revolution of sorts. Her book is seen as a cautionary tale, serving as a clarion call to other women to take charge of their finances and to not rely on a man to do it. The thing is though, the book should also be a clarion call to women to pay much closer attention in the early stages of a relationship to what a man reveals, asks, and does. As we’ll see, apparently, Burden herself still needs to learn this lesson.

The Overlooked Heart of the Matter: Emotional Abuse in........

© Psychology Today