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Mindfulness meditation is a highly effective, evidence-based way to improve mental health.

In addition to mindfulness, we need self-compassion, which can be both soothing and deeply healing.

Internal family systems incorporates self-compassion into its approach to healing wounded parts of the self.

As a long-time meditator, I have been practising almost every day for more than 15 years—around 5,500 days of sitting quietly every morning. And for most of those mornings, I have practised mindfulness meditation—usually mindfulness of breath, the core practice in both Buddhist and secular mindfulness approaches to calming and focusing the mind. I am a passionate advocate of daily meditation practice, both for my own mental health and that of my clients.

But if you are suffering from some kind of distress, whether that’s chronic stress, debilitating anxiety, loneliness, heartbreak, or depression, mindfulness practice alone may not be enough. In my consulting room, I have met many people who had a long-term, dedicated meditation practice but were still struggling with overwhelming anxiety or crippling bouts of depression. Some of these people were Buddhists, which adds many layers of richness and depth to enhancing psychological well-being. But they were still struggling enough that they needed my help.

Trauma-Informed Approaches

As a psychotherapist specialising in complex trauma, I integrate several evidence-based, trauma-informed models into my approach. These include schema therapy,1 trauma-informed stabilisation treatment,2 compassion-focused therapy,3 and internal family systems (IFS),4 a transdiagnostic treatment approach that was developed by Richard Schwartz in the 1980s. If my integrative approach were a rich, nourishing soup, IFS would be the main ingredient, because it’s a warm, compassionate, and highly effective way to help people recover from even the most complex and enduring problems.

At the heart of Schwartz’s model is the idea that, instead of responding to our distressing thoughts, feelings, and somatic sensations with frustration or a desire to banish them from our awareness, we learn to respond with curiosity and compassion. Aligned with Kristin Neff’s groundbreaking research into the benefits of self-compassion for both mental and physical health,5 IFS puts self-compassion front and centre in connecting with and healing wounded "parts" of the self. In IFS terminology, this involves "Self-to-part" connection, Self being the mature, loving, compassionate resource we struggle to access because of trauma or other adverse experiences, usually in childhood.

Let’s make this concrete using Patrick’s story. He came to see me struggling with chronic low self-esteem and a profound sense of worthlessness. "I just feel like I have nothing to offer anyone. I’m boring and pathetic and not even a proper person," he said in our first meeting. Patrick also suffered from crippling social anxiety. This was especially acute when he met new people or went on a first date, which never led on to a second. Patrick had tried mindfulness meditation, which he learned in a local Buddhist centre, but it hadn’t made much difference.

"I try sitting with the anxiety and just accepting it, then seeing if I can breathe into it and soften around the edges, like the teacher said, but it usually doesn’t shift, and I still feel terrible afterwards," he explained. Having taught him some key principles of my approach, such as the impact of painful schemas and a little neuroscience, as well as breathwork and guided-imagery techniques to help regulate his nervous system, I introduced him to the IFS model, explaining the idea of parts and Self. I taught Patrick that his anxiety was not just a painful emotion and unpleasant somatic sensations, but an urgent communication from a young part of him, whom we called Little Patrick. In Patrick’s mind, this boy was around 6 years old, because that was when his anxiety became acute after some nasty bullying and being ostracised by his classmates.

"Imagine Little Patrick was sitting in front of you, feeling terribly anxious. If we just practised mindfulness with him, it would be like sitting there and saying, “I see you and accept your anxiety,” without doing anything to help him. Would that help a terrified little kid feel better?’ Patrick shook his head. "Of course not. We would need to comfort him by giving him a big hug, telling him we were right here with him, that we cared about him and would look after him until he felt better."

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The Hurt 'Part' of Us

And this, viewed through an IFS lens, is why mindfulness practice alone may not be enough to relieve our distress. When we understand that it’s not just shame, or heartbreak, or hopelessness we are feeling, but we are "blended" with a part who is feeling ashamed, heartbroken, or hopeless, everything changes. Now we—as kind, loving Self—can turn toward this hurt little part of us and embrace, nurture, and ultimately heal them, and we have a powerful, reliable means of soothing our anguish.

Over time, that’s how I helped Patrick. We managed to transform his vicious inner critic (who used to tell him he was pathetic and weird) into a calmer, more constructive voice in his head. And we worked on those traumatic memories of being bullied and rejected in school, using a guided-imagery technique called "Insight" in IFS, letting his anxious 6-year-old part tell his story. Then adult Patrick went back in time and dealt with the bullies, before comforting Little Patrick and retrieving him from the upsetting scene into the present, where he felt safe. He could then "unburden" the part’s anxious feelings and negative self-beliefs—a signature move in IFS that can be transformative.

After many such sessions, Patrick eventually felt confident to go on a first date, which became a second, and then blossomed into a loving, long-term relationship. He still practices mindfulness but also looks after Little Patrick daily, sending him all the warmth and compassion Patrick didn’t receive as a child. For him, like so many of my clients, IFS—combined with the other ingredients of my nourishing, healing soup—proved transformative.

If you are struggling with chronic anxiety or any other debilitating psychological problem, I’m sorry. It’s incredibly hard to live that way. But please don’t lose hope, because we now have a raft of highly effective models, like IFS, which use the power of compassion to heal even the deepest wounds.

1. Young, J.E., Klosko, J.S., and Weishaar, M.E. (2003). Schema Therapy: A Practitioner’s Guide. New York: The Guilford Press.

2. Fisher, J. (2017). Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors: Overcoming Internal Self-Alienation. New York: Routledge.

3. Gilbert, P. (2010). The Compassionate Mind. London: Constable & Robinson.

4. Schwartz, R.C. and Sweezy, M. (2020). Internal Family Systems Therapy. New York: The Guilford Press.

5. Neff, K. (2011). Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind. London: Hodder & Stoughton.

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