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Fathers face real risk for postpartum depression, but often are not screened.

"Masked male depression" can look like withdrawal, irritability, or heavy sleep instead of tears or sadness.

Research found 27 risk factors and 21 protective factors, and the most protective ones center on connection.

Rewind to 15 years ago. I had given birth to our first child, our daughter. The birth itself…didn't go as planned. I went into it with some rigid ideas of how I wanted things to go — my protector parts trying to gain control in an experience that made me nervous. The image that took a long time to heal from was when they finally pulled her out during the emergency cesarean; my husband said, "Look, Cassidy, she's here!" And I turned away, my eyes closed.

The exhaustion. The medication. And the shame. My eyes wouldn't open. I turned away from both of them. That moment, oof, it was sticky.

I didn't protect any space to process it. It was time to ace the next "project" of parenthood — exclusive breastfeeding, the "perfect" sleep routine, optimizing every waking moment face to face with our daughter. Can you sense my inner perfectionist parts at the postpartum wheel? Oh yeah, they were.

I talk about healing those parts of myself and becoming a less reactive, more connected, and present parent in my book Mom Needs a Moment. But this article is about a different part of the story.

The shame and resentment

My husband got the first five words of my book: "'What the hell,' Dave muttered." I'd been up all night with our daughter again (anxiety didn't allow me to "sleep when the baby sleeps"). She'd just had a flying feces situation, and as it dripped down the white curtains of her nursery, my husband trudged in, wiping the sleepies from his eyes.

Did I resent him for the sleep he was getting? Yes. Was I........

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