Take our Self-Esteem Test

Find a therapist near me

My mother spent her last months doubting whether her life had mattered, believing it had been small.

Research shows that nearly all of us underestimate our worth, understating how much we matter in this world.

We lost our ancestral villages, “social mirrors” that once reflected our worth back to us every day.

Without social mirrors, we measure our worth through achievement, and decide we fell short. But we haven’t.

Mona arrived in this world on December 16, 1940, an early Christmas gift to an adoring family. After 85 remarkable years, on the morning of August 4, 2026, she said one final goodbye, left her body, and returned home.

In the months before, when it became evident her life was ending, Mona and I talked many times about the life she’d lived, and one question troubled her most: Did it really matter? I’ve known Mona for 58 years, so I assured her that of course it did; it was a big life. She’d reply with, I think it’s been small. I haven’t really accomplished much.

I asked her, When your spirit soars and your body turns to ash, what would you like us to do with the ashes? And she would say, Oh, I haven’t really traveled much in these past 60 years; I’ve spent most of them right here, in this house, so just scatter them in the backyard.

I asked, What about a memorial to honor the life you’ve lived?, and she’d insist, Oh no, I don’t want a memorial. She was scared no one would come. (She gave us permission later, and wait till you read what happened.)

Mona’s assessment of her life was completely misguided… and that’s completely understandable. Our consumer culture measures worth through achievement, so when Mona’s accomplishing slowed with age, she felt her self-worth slipping away. But, in reality, it hadn’t diminished at all. As researchers Scarpa et al. (2022) documented in their........

© Psychology Today