The Fundamentals of Sex

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Sensuality is the bridge between the friends and the lovers.

With young kids, couples try to go from partners straight to lovers. That's a big leap.

Sensuality is a great equalizer. It helps partners stuck in parent roles meet at eye level.

Co-authored by Galit Romanelli

Maya and Ben have three young kids and have been stuck in a mommy-son dance for years. This session, Maya mentions they had two good days. I’m curious to hear what changed. "Can you share a specific moment where you felt you were in a different dynamic?"

"We were just sitting on the couch drinking some arak, chatting and laughing," Maya says. The kids kept trying to bother them.

I ask her what Ben did or said that made her feel like they were equals.

"It's just enjoying time without it having to be sex," she says. "Not having to chase."

"So you were just enjoying each other as friends?" I ask. She says yes, and turns to Ben. "Usually the couch is not really a place we hang out together. That's usually where you're half lying down and half working. This time it was different. We playfully sent the kids away. It was just us having fun."

Then I offer them another word. "Between friendship and sexual, there's a category. That's what happened to you on the sofa. That's called sensuality."

I ask each of them to define it. Maya says, "It's the attraction, but without the sex." Ben says, "It's just play. Maybe it goes this way, maybe it doesn't, but that's part of the point. You don't........

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