The Challenges of Divorce

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If you want to be friends with your ex, both of you need to accept that the marriage is over.

You’ll need to respect each other’s new relationships and ensure that your friendship won’t threaten them.

Many therapists recommend months or a year of limited contact.

Can you be friends with an ex after divorce? I have wondered about this since my divorce in the mid-1990s, since one of the saddest parts of my divorce was the loss of the friendship that we had.

I wondered why so few exes stay friends and what it takes to maintain the friendship. I wondered how people who once loved each other could simply abandon the relationship completely, throwing the baby out with the bathwater. I felt confused and grieved this loss.

Over the years, I have seen a few friends and clients manage to maintain a friendship. More often, many parents try to have a cordial “enough” relationship for coparenting. But when there are no children, most couples drift apart after the divorce. So friendship post-split is possible, but it is the exception, not the rule.

Why do so few exes manage it? Why is it so hard?

The most obvious reasons are the anger and hurt from the loss of the marriage. This is what I have observed:

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