Understanding Child Development

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Safer schools require early intervention, connection, and support—not just crisis response.

Universal mental health screenings can identify struggling students who might otherwise go unnoticed.

What we call "attention-seeking" is often a child's attempt to communicate pain, loneliness, or distress.

Teaching resilience, and compassion may be one of the most effective forms of prevention.

"There is no tired like teacher tired," a client who taught elementary education in a Title I school told me during a therapy session.

Beyond lesson plans, classroom management, and curriculum, she was expected to notice which children were struggling. Not just academically, but emotionally—the loud child acting out and the quiet child quietly disappearing into the background.

Without adequate support, this task can barely be achieved by a team, let alone by one individual standing in front of twenty-five students. Yet this is often the system we continue to rely upon.

The Children We Don't See

According to analyses conducted by the U.S. Department of Homeland Security and related school threat assessment research, many acts of school violence were preceded by observable signs of distress that were either missed, misunderstood, or not adequately addressed. When tragedy occurs, we often search for the point where intervention should have occurred. Was it the teacher? The parent? The administrator? Law enforcement? Or peers who heard concerning comments or saw social media posts? The reality is that opportunities for intervention often exist long before a crisis emerges.

The challenge is that signs of distress are not always obvious and may appear as:

Changes in behavior or routine.

Withdrawal from friends or family

Irritability or emotional withdrawal

Frequent physical complaints, such as headaches or stomachaches

Self-harm or suicidal thoughts

Increased risk-taking behaviors

All of these changes matter.

What is often called "a cry for help" should be treated as exactly that: a signal that a child may need support, co-regulation, connection, and increased attention. Yet these behaviors are often dismissed as merely "attention-seeking." In reality, that is precisely what they are—a child seeking attention because something inside them requires care.

According to Paul Kraus from the National Violence Prevention Hotline, research on targeted violence has consistently found that many individuals communicate their distress, grievances, or desire to be seen long before violence occurs. In many cases, those communications represent opportunities for intervention. When warning signs are recognized and responded to with support, and appropriate care, the pathway toward violence can often be interrupted.

This understanding is reflected in the Choose Love Movement, founded by Scarlett Lewis after her son Jesse was killed in the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting. Inspired by a message Jesse........

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