We all have those moments. You're overwhelmed. Burnt out. Wondering why you're stuck in the same cycle—overeating, reaching for your phone instead of getting work done, or putting off that gym session (again) because you just don't have the time.

The usual advice? “Just try harder.” But what if willpower isn’t the answer? What if motivation is less relevant than you think?

What if the key to lasting change is simply… thinking differently about who you are?

Years ago, my wife and I were talking about food—I was chowing down a burger while she was eating her kale salad with no-sauce grilled salmon.

“I eat for fuel,” she told me.

I blinked. Fuel?

That’s not how I saw it. Food, for me, was about pleasure. The satisfaction of a burger. The comfort of my favorite BBQ. I wasn’t irresponsible—I’d cut soda and added some greens—but my mindset was clear: Food was entertainment.

Fast-forward two decades, and my diet is unrecognizable. Grilled chicken. Veggies. High-protein, high-function meals. Don't get me wrong. I didn’t flip a switch overnight, and I'm not perfect, but the transformation was real—and surprisingly effortless.

So what changed?

Most people who are trying to change focus on behaviors:

And when those behaviors don’t stick, they blame themselves. They believe they're unable to........

© Psychology Today