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Skipper and Mr. Marvelous Seek Hot Sex in Southampton Hedges

Sex in the Hamptons is exactly like sex in Manhattan, except the hedges are taller and the excuses are worse. [Originally published on July 24, 1995]

Sex in the Hamptons is a lot like sex in Manhattan—except it’s not. Odd couplings and brief flings, which in the city might raise an eyebrow, are somehow forgiven out on the East End. And these amours fous are not like those, say, which one might commit in Paris or St. Barts. That’s because it is still New York—the characters are the same—and there is excitement in the air, an expectation that what was impossible in Manhattan—sleeping with that model, that mogul—might just be possible behind some Southampton hedge. After all, women who walk briskly through Manhattan behind Persol sunglasses take off their tops on Sagaponack’s “Media Beach.” In other words, maybe in the Hamptons, sex drive and romantic longing count for more than pure ambition and careerism when it comes to the person with whom one ends up in bed.

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Here’s a cautionary tale about three hopeful bachelors in the Hamptons during this past Fourth of July weekend.

Bachelor No. 1: “Skipper Johnson,” 26. Preppy. Entertainment law. Boy wonder. Plans to run one of the big studios someday, which he says will be in New York. Beach toys: small Mercedes, cellular phone. Is worried about his recent lack of sexual success. “Do women think I’m gay?” he asks, earnestly.

Bachelor No. 2: “Mr. Marvelous,” 65 says he’s 60. Square jaw, silver hair, bright blue eyes, athletic—all parts work on demand. Married (and divorced) five times. Beach toys: none. But can talk about penthouse apartment on Park Avenue, house in Bedford, apartment in Palm Beach. Staying with friends for the weekend on Further Lane in East Hampton. Considering buying a place.

Bachelor No. 3: “Stanford Blatch,” 37. Screenwriter. The next Joe Eszterhas. Gay but prefers straight guys. Long, dark curly hair; refuses to cut it or put it in a ponytail. Will probably get married and have kids someday. Stays in grandmother’s house on Halsey Neck Lane in Southampton; grandma lives in Palm Beach. Beach toys: doesn’t drive, so convinces family chauffeur to come out on weekends to drive him around. Best beach toy: has known everybody worth knowing since he was a child, so he doesn’t have to prove it.

Skipper’s Cold Shower

Friday night, Skipper Johnson drives out to Southampton, where he has arranged to meet friends at Basilico: four women, all in their late 20’s, who work at Ralph Lauren, and who, to the naked eye, are indistinguishable from one another. Skipper finds their bland prettiness comforting.

They drink Pine Hamptons at the bar. Skipper pays. At 11 o’clock, they go to Conscious Point. There’s a crowd outside, but Skipper knows the doorman. They drink........

© Observer