The Question We Forgot to Ask Our Father

We spend years asking our fathers for advice, help and answers. But how often do we ask what frightens them, what they miss or whether they are really okay? In today's 'From the Silence Within', Santosh Nair reflects on fatherhood, ageing, regret and the questions we often understand only when it is too late.

There is a strange thing about fathers. When we are small, they seem to fill the whole world. They know the way home, how to fix a broken toy, where to find money for schoolbooks and what to do when something goes wrong. We believe they have an answer to everything. Then we grow older. Our world fills with friends, work, marriage, children and dreams. We begin travelling to places our fathers have never seen. Meanwhile, without anyone noticing, their world slowly becomes smaller. The man who once held our hand to help us cross the road may spend his later years waiting for the sound of our footsteps outside his door.

Think about how difficult we sometimes make it for a father to be a father. If he is strict, we say he does not understand us. If he is gentle, we say he cannot guide us. If he works late, we complain that he has no time for the family. If he stays home, we wonder why he is not doing something useful. When he buys what we want, we consider it his responsibility. When he cannot afford something, we feel disappointed. If he worries about our future, we call it interference. If he remains silent, we........

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