Loneliness, therefore, is not necessarily about the number of people around us.

Through counselling, I have repeatedly observed another painful pattern: The loneliness of people who are carrying the burden gracefully and not complaining are expected to be strong.

The opposite of loneliness is not simply having people around us.

“Loneliness is like an iceberg – it goes deeper than we can see.” John Cacioppo

When was the last time someone asked you, “How are you?” and genuinely waited for the answer? Not the hurried question exchanged in a corridor. Not the WhatsApp message followed by a disappearing blue tick. Not the polite question we ask because social etiquette requires it. I mean: “How are you and I have time to listen?” We live in an age of extraordinary connectivity. Our phones can connect us to people thousands of miles away within seconds. We see what our friends are eating, where they are travelling, what they are celebrating and how successful their lives appear to be. We may have hundreds of contacts, followers and online conversations. Yet behind those glowing screens, many adults quietly ask themselves: “Does anyone really know me?” This is the loneliness we don’t see.

Over the years, the people I meet behind the closed doors; through my counselling and therapeutic work, I have listened to people carrying enormous stress, grief, relationship difficulties, professional pressures and personal challenges. What has stayed with me is not only what they are struggling with, but how alone many of them feel while struggling. They may have families, colleagues, friends or hundreds of contacts on their phones. Yet when they finally sit down for counselling, many say something remarkably similar: “I have nobody I can really talk to.”

Sometimes they have carried a problem for months or even years because they don’t want to burden anyone. Sometimes they fear being judged. Sometimes they believe their family will not understand. Sometimes they are the person everyone else depends upon and feel they have no permission to become vulnerable themselves. Might the people around them simply don’t realize they are struggling. This is perhaps the most invisible dimension of loneliness. A person can be socially surrounded but emotionally isolated. A professional may spend the entire day talking to people and return home feeling completely alone. A mother may spend years caring for everyone while having no space to talk about her........

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