The author attempting to bake muffins with her daughters.

My paediatrician gave me a knowing look as my whiny 18-month-old daughter wriggled out of my arms and plopped down onto the tile floor.

“I think 18 months is the hardest age,” the doctor said. “They’re mobile and opinionated, but they still don’t have the language skills to express their needs, so they throw a lot of tantrums.”

I nodded – that made sense to me as a speech-language pathologist. Communication is our greatest tool when it comes to relationships, which is one of the reasons why I decided to become a speech therapist in the first place.

Meanwhile, my daughter began touching every surface in the office and then proceeded to stick her hands into her mouth.

“Here’s my best advice,” the paediatrician offered. “Firstly, you have to choose your battles. Otherwise, everything will be a battle. You have to let some things go, or else you’ll be managing meltdowns 24/7.”

“That makes sense,” I said as I tried to stop my daughter from opening all the cabinets.

“Secondly, when you say ‘no,’ mean it. In order for her to learn the meaning of the word, you need to be consistent. Don’t let ‘no’ be the start of a negotiation.”

“I think I’ve already failed at that one,” I grimaced, thinking of all the times I’d said no and then compromised in an attempt to bypass ensuing chaos.

“That’s OK,” the paediatrician encouraged. “It’s a learning process for everyone.”

Well-meaning individuals are quick to dole out advice to new parents – much of it unhelpful – but I’ve returned to these two pearls of wisdom from my paediatrician time and time again. In fact, I’ve found that they can serve as guideposts for other tricky relationship dynamics as well.

For example, with the holidays and visiting family, I know that I have to “choose my battles” and let some comments slide.

I have to ignore the offhand remark about my toddler’s bad manners so that I can reserve........

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