Therapy is often framed as a solution to difficult emotions and experiences. It’s a place to talk, process and start to feel better. But simply booking an appointment and showing up doesn’t automatically mean the work is happening in the most effective way.

“Deciding to start therapy is often a thoughtful, deliberate choice,” Dr Sue Varma, a psychiatrist and author of Practical Optimism, told HuffPost. “For many people, it is something they have put off for a long time or struggled to access.”

But even the most well-intentioned therapy-goers can fall into habits that undermine their progress.

“It takes time for a person to learn how to best use the therapy space,” said therapist Nina Tomkiewicz. “Especially if you’ve never been to see a therapist before, you shouldn’t expect to know exactly what to do or how to be or what to share. It’s OK to make mistakes and figure things out. We need to give ourselves the grace to practice figuring out how to be satisfied with our therapy sessions.”

While that learning curve is normal, therapists say there are some pitfalls that can slow growth or keep people stuck longer than necessary. HuffPost asked mental health professionals to share the mistakes people make in therapy – and what to do instead to make the experience more productive and meaningful.

1. Getting distracted during your session

Jill Lamar, a licensed professional counsellor with Thriveworks, said that many clients undermine their treatment by engaging in distracting behaviour, particularly during teletherapy sessions on Zoom or other platforms.

“This may be as subtle as surreptitiously looking at their phones, texting, viewing work e-mails, playing games,” she said.

“They tend not to take these ‘at-home’ sessions as seriously and will ask permission to engage in activities like doing laundry, or allowing other family members, often their children, to enter the room. These break the flow of the session and keep clients from fully engaging, emotionally and mentally.”

For remote sessions, Lamar recommends treating the experience as if you are sitting in your therapist’s office.

“Eating lunch or a snack is usually allowable – although ask first – but the aforementioned behaviour is a deterrent to a reasonably productive therapy session,” she said. “Therapy should be, ultimately, therapeutic.”

2. Giving up too early

“A common mistake is quitting therapy too early, often after a single session or one disappointing experience, and then swearing it off entirely for years,” Varma said. “I see this all the time.”

Such behaviour often stems from unrealistic expectations about how quickly the therapeutic process moves. But meaningful shifts don’t happen overnight.

“Being intentional and implementing change takes time and practice,” said Tori-Lyn Mills, a licensed professional counsellor with Thriveworks.

“The misconception is the belief that ‘I should be better by now.’ This expectation can actually hinder progress, because the idea that things should change simply because we want them to, can trigger self-pressure and self-judgment.”

3. Saying the “right” things instead of how you actually feel

Caitlyn Oscarson, a licensed marriage and family therapist, pointed to one common but unhelpful behaviour in therapy sessions: the tendency to try to say the “right” things instead of sharing actual thoughts and emotions.

“You might shy away from expressing your true feelings, downplay how much you are hurt and explain away others’ behaviour, trying to present in the most reasonable, self-aware version of yourself,” Oscarson said.

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