6 Somatic Exercises To Try Mid Fight To Avoid Acting Like A Dysregulated Jerk

We all have our moments in fights. This can help.

We’ve all been there. Whether it’s a fight with a partner or a tense moment with a co-worker, something gets triggered and suddenly it feels like your nervous system has been hijacked. You say or do something you regret later and think: How could I have handled that better?

The frustrating part is that trying to “think” your way through it in the moment often doesn’t work.

“When you’re mid-fight and your nervous system is flooded, your rational brain is offline,” Erica Schwartzberg, somatic therapist at Downtown Somatic Therapy, told HuffPost. “That’s why ‘just calm down’ or ‘let’s talk about this rationally’ doesn’t work. You have to regulate your body first. Then your brain comes back online, and you can have a productive conversation.”

But when you’re already dysregulated, it helps to adjust your expectations. As Toni Teixeria, licensed clinical social worker at Strong at the Core Counseling, put it, “When you are already dysregulated, it is often hard to get regulated.” The goal isn’t instant calm. It’s to “bring your thinking brain back online so that you can make the best choice in the situation.”

That’s why simple actions matter. In the middle of a fight, “doing small things is best,” she said, especially because “doing something complicated or forgetting what to do may increase your frustration.”

And importantly, this isn’t about suppressing what you feel. As Schwartzberg noted, “These exercises aren’t about suppressing your feelings or ‘being nice’ when you’re legitimately hurt or angry. They’re about creating enough space between stimulus and response so you can choose how to........

© HuffPost