The Best Thing To Come Out Of My Divorce? A Friendship With My Stepkids' Mum

"She’s the woman who made me a mom when I married her ex and after I divorced him."

At the advice of a child psychologist, my boyfriend of six months put a picture of us in his apartment so his three young kids – twin boys (almost 6) and his daughter (barely 4) – could ask questions about me.

I carried interminable energy to solidify this potential family for myself. I didn’t, however, consider how to incorporate their mom into my life.

“Daddy, who is that? What’s her favourite colour? Does she like ice cream? Does she know Mama?” The kids were intrigued and wanted to meet me.

When they met me at a pumpkin patch on a cool Saturday afternoon, they instantly warmed to me. They fought over the seat next to me on the spinning strawberry carnival ride and we shared bites of their apple cider doughnuts.

My whole body washed with elated energy when one of the boys held my hand on the way back to their car.

I thought about their mom, Carrie, often that day as assumptive strangers placed me in the role of mom. However, I told myself the ex-wife and the new girlfriend were ill-fated friends, if by circumstance alone, and didn’t plan to make an effort with her.

We finally met one Sunday on her driveway. Her beautiful, long, strawberry blond hair caught the evening light and she greeted our car with a warm smile. She walked straight over to me like we knew each other. Her energy was unmistakably positive. I shook her hand and feigned a smile, but I didn’t trust her intentions.

Before we left, her daughter came running straight to me, arms outstretched, for one more hug goodbye. An embrace like that from her was the epitome of what love was supposed to feel like, but in that moment I cringed.

I wanted her dad to scoop her up before she could get to me, or for Carrie to turn away and not see her daughter in another woman’s arms, but I........

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