Last week, The Ivy opened its doors for what has since been described as one of the biggest restaurant launches Glasgow has seen in years. 

Fire dancers, open bars, and a red carpet rolled out for a guest list packed with influencers and press. All of the stops were pulled out for a lavish celebration that screamed: 'We're back, and we're not afraid to show the new place off.' 

What a shame, then, that the same energy hasn’t extended to the chain’s online platforms, which continue to churn out AI slop so bizarre you’ll find yourself double-checking whether it’s come from an official account.

Think I'm exaggerating? Alright. Take a look at the reel shared on The Ivy Collection's main Instagram page just days ago. 

View this post on Instagram A post shared by The Ivy Collection (@the_ivy_collection)

A post shared by The Ivy Collection (@the_ivy_collection)

Soundtracked by a mind-numbingly irritating TikTok-viral sea shanty, the scene kicks off with a not-quite-human-looking young server in full Ivy uniform shouting to her equally uncanny colleagues, "Lower the sails, raise the anchor". With a pull of a lever, the building breaks free from its shackles and rumbles as it rotates slowly into position on St Vincent Place. A cartoonish gentleman in a top hat smiles as he ushers a group of glossy-haired young adults in suits and cocktail dresses over the threshold, and we end on a frame announcing that the restaurant is now open to the public. 

The........

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