Following the Glasgow Derby on Sunday, some Celtic fans were seen making the Sign of the Cross. Ahead of Saturday’s St Patrick’s Day Parade in Glasgow, perhaps we need to have a national conversation about it, says a tongue-in-cheek Herald columnist Kevin McKenna

There's been another outbreak of flagrant Catholicism in Scotland and it behoves us all to be vigilant about its potential dangers.

The distressing scenes at Ibrox on Sunday after Celtic had beaten Rangers appalled all right- minded people around the world. And it soon became evident to shocked onlookers that an old and discredited practice - thought to have been expunged from civic Scotland - might have acted as an accelerant for the mayhem: public displays of the notorious Sign of the C***s.

Some Celtic supporters were seen goading Rangers followers with this sinister benediction. The young fans of the home team had merely run across the pitch in a spirit of goodwill to congratulate the wild-eyed Celtic fans on their team’s victory.

Modern Scotland prides itself on its cultural and religious diversity, but it draws the line at making extravagant displays of reverence without good reason. Look at China. We’re all fond of condemning the tech-savvy East Asian geniuses for their human rights abuses. But the smart Chinese permit a state-approved form of Catholicism no problem in their country.

I’d be encouraging the Scottish Government to send out a working group to China to see how it’s done. This all follows recent concerns by top humanists that overt displays of religion in Catholic schools are stunting the emotional and educational development of vulnerable young people. This can lead to depression, guilt complex, anxiety and anti-social behaviour of the type on display at Ibrox on Sunday.

Celtic manager and stars join crowds at unveiling of Tommy Gemmell statue

The warnings on assisted dying that Scotland can’t afford to ignore

'This is attempt to undermine faith schools' - Leading Catholics' fears over SNP bill

In extreme cases, it can lead to Malcolm Offord, leader of Reform UK in Scotland. This chap often makes you think that a local circus must be missing its clown whenever he speaks in public, but his recent condemnation of Catholic schools for causing sectarianism was commendable.

And spare a thought for the BBC Radio Scotland pundits on Sunday afternoon. They were forced to witness scenes of unimaginable carnage as Celtic supporters displayed an aggressive, belligerent and belligerently aggressive approach to taking selfies with the players in that crucial final third of the park.

They might not have attacked any opposition players, police officers, coaching staff or opposition supporters, but it was clear they were thinking about it. The BBC Sportsound team were right to call them out on it and I feel sure they may be in line for a Bafta at next year’s awards. For who knows where this might end. The next time these teams meet Celtic’s feral supporters might start asking for autographs and wielding pens and other writing implements with reckless abandon.

Elsewhere, another top football pundit has been unfairly maligned for his observations about delinquent expressions of Catholic piety. He’d become audibly distressed at seeing Signs of the C***s being flashed in all directions and in broad daylight.

Rangers fans on the field at Ibrox (Image: PA)

People need to remember that the Catholic Emancipation Act was passed in 1829. The restoration of the Catholic hierarchy only occurred in Scotland as recently as 1878. So, it’s obviously still early days. Such massive societal upheavals can take time to settle down, and the lieges must be given space to re-adjust.

Making the Sign of the C***s in a built-up area is asking for trouble. I’d propose a simple licensing system to remind uppity Catholics of their place in Scottish society. How about we get them to register their intention to make these controversial displays three days in advance of any public gathering?

By doing this, the authorities could allocate limited and manageable time slots for the act. There could also be a reverse curfew whereby this controversial sanctification is only permissible when it gets dark between 8pm and 6am. We could also add in Stop and Search powers for the police to chivvy out any rosary beads, miraculous medals or sundry other vexatious appurtenances being secreted about the person.

On the question of Catholic schools I feel I may have to revise my opinion of these establishments in light of the vicious and sinister outbreak of selfie-taking which almost led to the breakdown of civil society in Govan on Sunday. Perhaps, as a mark of good faith moving forward, the Catholic authorities would agree to on-the-spot school inspections whereby government inspectors could swoop without warning and check for any evidence of church Latin being taught without due care. I mean, who knows what they’re singing? Yes, of course it could just be an innocent wee Ave Maria or Salve Regina. But what if it’s something more bellicose and triumphalist like Tina Tornatrix’s Simpliciter Optimum?

Glasgow 'speccy wee guy' stand-up is named the Next Big Thing by comedy experts

Review: Scottish Tourette’s story I Swear debuts on Netflix tonight - what to expect

Iran war destroys the case for net zero? No, it doesn't. It shows why we need it

They could also chivvy out any priests on the premises who don’t have the appropriate permits. And any paraphernalia concerned in the preparation of Mass with intent to supply communion wafers could lead to hefty fines and immediate closure for persistent offenders.

These outbreaks of rogue Catholicism and unbridled Irishness couldn’t have happened at a worse time for diverse, progressive and progressively diverse Scotland. On Saturday there’s to be a St Patrick’s Day parade passing through Glasgow city centre. This shows how far Scotland has journeyed as a nation on the road to cultural and interfaith concord.

Since they began arriving in typically high numbers, the fecund Irish have learned - over time - how to conduct themselves with British levels of decorum and rectitude. Scotland, in its civic benevolence, has rewarded them by permitting their deedly-dee parades. However, this is on condition that they don't take advantage of the state's largesse and generosity. There can be none of the wantonness, libidinousness and other licentious conduct normally associated with their social gatherings.

I’d be urging the authorities to task Special Agents of the Crown with keeping an eye on proceedings by blending in with the crowds. They could wear traditional Irish everyday habiliments such as agricultural breeches and leprechaun hats and carry left-footed shovels to avoid detection. Anyone caught singing songs that defame the British state or reference any perceived cultural grievances would be harshly dealt with. Just stick to Molly Malone and the Black Velvet Band and everything will be just fine, lads.

Her eyes they shone like diamonds,

I thought her the queen of the land.

And her hair hung over her shoulder,

Tied up with a black velvet band.

Everyone likes that one ... to be sure.

Kevin McKenna is Scotland's Feature of the Year

© Herald Scotland