The workplace presents a distinctive set of disclosure dilemmas, beginning with the strange fan dance of interviewing. We are trying to put our best foot forward; to convince our potential employer we’re a perfect fit and consummate professional, yet we’re asked, “What are your weaknesses?” and “What are the biggest mistakes you’ve made?” Even the seemingly laidback “So, tell me about yourself” can feel like a trap. Where should we start? 

There has been a lot of buzz in recent years about the benefits of “bringing your whole self” to work. There’s some evidence for those benefits. Letting others see more of you than you might ordinarily show them forges bonds, including in the workplace. We saw this in the early pandemic, when hardened leaders suddenly turned into endearing softies the moment their toddlers mischievously ran into their home offices. 

But for compartmentalizers who prefer to keep work and personal life separate, the “bring your whole self to work” movement can be something of a nightmare. For others, like me, it’s freeing. But this new terrain is filled with land mines, and it can be hard to know when you’re going to step on one. 

The question of how much of our authentic selves to share at work is a pivotal one. It’s also a difficult one to answer. We want to share enough to feel understood and connected to others, but not so much that we alienate people or cause them to question our competence or our seriousness.

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Making matters even more complicated, each workplace has its own culture and its own norms about the degree of ­self-disclosure that’s deemed appropriate. That doesn’t mean they’re clearly articulated, usually far from it. We must discover them. And by no means should everyone decide to simply conform to those norms; bucking them might be good not only for one’s own happiness and engagement at work, but for the whole team and for society at large.

So how do we find the right balance? What are the trade-offs between being a little more open at work and keeping strict professional boundaries intact? How much “backstage access” can we give to our colleagues and our bosses without risking our workplace image?

Backstage versus Front Stage: transparency versus vulnerability

According to my colleague Monique Burns Thompson, who works closely with members of Gen Z, “Today’s generation craves a level of openness that is different from when I was a young professional.” New York University organizational scientist Julianna Pillemer’s research suggests that revealing aspects of our backstage selves at work, when done thoughtfully, can help us build rapport and stand out in a good way. In workplace contexts, she recommends what I’d call discerning authenticity—a balancing act that involves giving colleagues some, but not total, access to our inner lives. When done well, Pillemer argues, it helps build trust and sparks more meaningful conversations. Over time, this kind of thoughtful openness can deepen workplace relationships, enhance collaboration, and even improve performance.

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