CounterPunch Exclusives

CounterPunch Exclusives

Surviving the Pain of an Authoritarian Demagogue Any Way We Can

Photograph by Nathaniel St. Clair

Until recently, the predominant life pains that I have long seen in my psychologist day job include: abusive and neglectful parents, dysfunctional families, loveless marriages, lifelong loneliness, soul-crushing jobs, oppressive bosses, dehumanizing bureaucracies, and a variety of losses. However, the rise to power in the U.S. of an authoritarian demagogue has resulted in another major source of pain created not only by his actions but by his very being. From what I gather, many other mental health professionals are also hearing about the pains generated by him.

The pains created by the authoritarian demagogue certainly have resulted from his ICE, DOGE, and other reckless actions, but it is not his policies alone that have created pain. His very being of incessant attention-demanding self-absorption, childish petulance and cruelty, blatant lies and even more blatant stupidity create pain for many people.

In response to his incessant attention-seeking and his efforts at branding his own name on damn near everything, many people have intuitively recognized the empowering tactic of refusing to use his name when referring to him. They brand him with their own names, a sample of which I’ve heard include: “the idiot,” “orange man,” “asshole,” “fuckface, and “the draft-dodging coward”—this last one used by Vietnam veteran Jesse Ventura who, outraged and disgusted by the January 6 insurrection and ICE actions in his home state of Minnesota, recently stated: “I don’t call him by name. He’s the draft-dodging coward.”

Even more painful than his being are his directives. The mayhem and murders by ICE goon squads have obviously resulted in pain for its victims and their loved ones, but also for a large part of U.S. society who are living in fear that this can easily happen to them. And among some partners and friends who feel threatened by him, it has created conflict. Specifically, different temperaments have differing default reactions to threat—fight, flight, freeze, or fawn (comply)—and these different reactions can create disagreements; for example, a wife wants to hit the streets and protest, but her husband wants to leave the country or simply hide, and this results in tension and can cause arguments. I’ve been seeing that kind of thing.

So, for the last couple of years, I’ve been trying to help intimates and friends with different default responses to threats to not damage their relationships. Instead of polarizing arguments, I’ve been trying to help people have a dialogue on what is the wisest response to such threats. In life, sometimes the wisest response to threat is to fight, and sometimes the wisest response is flight; and a significant number........

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