"How do we tell Mum?" I whispered over the phone.

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Those were the words that came out of my mouth after my brother Paddy died in a crash and they will haunt me forever.

And I still will never understand the heartbreak of a parent learning their child has innocently died in a crash and how to keep going. I never want to.

Finally, after more than 18 months, I can talk about Paddy's death, the grief and the aftermath and ensuing court case - it felt never-ending and that healing was often a long way off.

Of course I'll never forget December 11, 2024. I was leaving work and a notification from the Vic Emergency app popped up on my phone - crash near Mortlake, rescue road trap.

These notifications happen fairly regularly, but little did I know this one would change my and my family's life forever.

As soon as I heard, I went into protective mode.

"Oh. Oh. How do we tell Mum?"

They were the words that came out of my mouth while my husband took a phone call from my aunty confirming that Paddy was gone, driving home from his regular commute as a teacher in south-west Victoria.

My aunty had rung my husband to let him know of the horrific tragedy and local police sergeant and stalwart Pat Day had already been out to deliver the horrible news to my parents.

But Mum wasn't at home, or next door at the country pub my parents have run together for more than 30 years.

Sergeant Day had the worst ever job that day - he walked into the pub and had to tell Dad the most horrible news he would ever hear.

He took Dad aside into the dining room, while the regulars sat in the pub, none the wiser - yet.

But where was Mum? As a hugely involved volunteer on four local organisations, she was at a committee meeting for one of her regular commitments at the local showgrounds. And if you know my mum - she's a busy woman, she could have been anywhere.

When I received the phone call and learnt Paddy had passed, but Mum didn't know yet - my heart sank. How the bloody hell do we tell her that her only son is gone?

Another thought popped into my head - thank God Nan and Pop are dead, they would never have dealt........

© Canberra Times