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National Security Begins Behind the Toaster

I’m not saying that the apartment’s a hotbed of narcotic activity, but does anybody need that many plastic baggies for sandwiches?

Patricia Marx

The tigers eat tofu. “Child care!” / chant kang’roos. / And the sea slugs debate the best / pronouns to use.

1. Cut FEMA flood budget. Make Bezos send wet places salad spinners to dry out stuff. 2. No more brown or yellow M&M’s. Low I.Q., emotionally...

We are currently unable to answer your call, because everyone has been fired except Bob. If this is Melania, press 183 if you wish to accept the...

I’m not dead, but a lot of people can’t stand me. What I mean is, they want to knock me off. My days are numbered.