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4 Signs Your Partner Has a Victim Mentality, According to a Therapist

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When I first set out to write this article, I fully intended to call out partners who use their perceived victimhood as manipulation in relationships. However, after interviewing a therapist, I quickly understood that the victim mentality doesn’t always mean what we think it does. In fact, many people fall into this disempowered mindset as a result of trauma, chronic invalidation, or hypercriticism from those around them.

Of course, that’s not to say they should continue playing the victim card, especially when it hurts those they love. But the topic is a bit more nuanced than most of us realize. And when you’re in a relationship with someone, you should want to support their growth, not shame their coping mechanisms. This doesn’t mean letting them get away with mistreatment or lack of accountability, but rather approaching their habits with curiosity and empathy.

Here are some signs your partner has a victim mentality—and how to address it with compassion.

1. You’re Doing All the Emotional Labor

One person cannot carry all the emotional labor in a relationship, as it will almost undoubtedly lead to exhaustion and resentment. However, when a partner has a victim mentality, they might avoid this responsibility and expect their partner to solve their issues.

“If one partner feels like they have to do the emotional work in a relationship, it will affect their ability to connect and be present,” said Claudia Johnson, MA, LMFT, CST, ABS, owner and clinical director at PNW Sex Therapy Collective. “You........

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