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The Bookless Club: Do you have an example of how language failed?

I have my very own "Who's On First?" moment

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You are, of course, familiar with the famous Abbott and Costello comedy sketch known as “Who’s On First?” It’s a famous bit of business wherein the two legendary comedians are talking about baseball, but the names of the players totally confuse the subject. As much as it’s one of the most famous comedy sketches of all time, it wasn’t new at the time. The concept behind this sketch dates back to British music hall revues from the turn of the century before the last turn of the century — meaning the cusp of the 1900s.

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A comedy duo known as Weber and Fields used to have audiences roaring over a sketch called, “I Work On Watt Street”. If you’re familiar with “Who’s On First?” you can well imagine how this goes. In the Watt Street version, there’s a bakery and someone “loafing”, and, well, you get the gist.

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A while ago, my own little “Who’s On First?” comedy sketch developed quite organically. At the time, I found it mildly infuriating, but I think back on it wryly now.

I had called my doctor’s office looking for an appointment. The medical office administrator asked me what day worked for me and I told her Tuesday, but not in the morning as I had another morning appointment at a considerable distance from their office. She took a moment to mull this over and then said, “Okay, how about for 10 on Tuesday?” I reminded her that, due to a conflicting appointment in the morning, I couldn’t get to their office before noon. She gave every indication she was listening, then repeated the appointment time possibility.

“No”, I explained, with utmost patience, “The earliest I could make it to their office was, maybe, 11:15 … and that was if traffic and parking went in my favour.”

Again, she repeated, “For ten”.

We kept this up for a while.

Suddenly, a light went on in my head. I realized that she meant the doctor could see me at ten minutes after four in the afternoon, not at ten in the morning.

“Ahhhhhhh, 4:10!” I exclaimed. Ten minutes after 4 p.m.”

“Yes,” she repeated, “4:10.”

“I’ll take it!” I practically shouted.

Language is a beautiful tool, but just as you can use the side of a wrench as a hammer, language can also be open to creative interpretations. The medical office and I could have kept up this dialogue all day and, who knows, even eventually taken our act on the road. After all, we humans love it when communication backfires into comedy.

There are so many examples of instances wherein language stumbles. The jury is still out on words such as flammable and inflammable. To my way of thinking, inflammable, like inability and inaccessible, means not flammable. If, however, you do a quick online search, you’ll find the words are now often used interchangeably to mean “easily catches fire”. It has to do with the Latin prefix “in” intensifying the appended word. Clearly, this matter is … combustible. On that, I think, we can agree.

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Jane Macdougall is a freelance writer and former National Post columnist who lives in Vancouver. She writes The Bookless Club every Saturday online and in The Vancouver Sun. For more of what Jane’s up to, check out her website, janemacdougall.com

This week’s question for readers:

Question: Do you have an example of how language failed, either catastrophically or amusingly?

Send your answers by email text, not an attachment, in 100 words or less, along with your full name to Jane at thebooklessclub@gmail.com. We will print some next week in this space.

Last week’s question for readers:

Question: What’s your shoe evolution? How are your knees holding up? What helps? What hurts?

• I wish I’d had custom orthotics at an early age. The biomechanics of this new orthotic that Kintec and UBC have partnered on makes sense. The trouble is we all wait too long in life — an ounce of prevention is certainly worth not having knee replacements.

• I’ve had flat feet all my life, but, from my Converse All-Stars in high school through to my dress Florsheims, I’ve never given my long-suffering arches the care they deserved as the foundation for my knees. A decade ago in Baja, it took a pair of oversized swim fins and racing a whale shark in the Sea of Cortez for something to finally give out in my knees. The bike ride through La Paz the next day was excruciating. These days, I’ve been biding my time for over two years on a knee surgery waiting list, but I have custom orthotics inside a snug pair of Hokas that give me some sliver of hope that I won’t need it.

• Born with a clubfoot, I have had two different-size feet all my life. Since there is a two to two-and-a-half size difference, I’ve always bought two pairs of shoes, only to discard one shoe from each size that wouldn’t fit. Nordstrom would split two pairs and only charge me for one pair. Other shops don’t proffer such largesse. Buying expensive ski boots was the worst. At least the discarded pair of mismatched boots could be donated to the Amputee Ski Association.

• Years ago, when working in downtown Toronto, The Bay on Queen Street had a sale in their vast shoe department. On my lunch hour, I rushed down Yonge Street to the sale in my business-attire heels. I bought two pairs of shoes — a bargain. I didn’t reckon with the debilitating meniscus tear in my knee caused by my reckless running, which took many months of physio and acupuncture to heal. My new shoes weren’t such a bargain after all. I’ve rarely worn heels since.

• In addition to custom orthotics, a bit of daily foot and calf stretching really helps prevent knee, Achilles and foot issues — including plantar fasciitis. We do our stretches on ThermaWedge, a device designed for this purpose, while brushing and flossing our teeth. It’s an easy way to work foot and leg care into an everyday routine.

• Now an octogenarian, I’ve had a knee issue for many years, but by stretching the backs and fronts of my knees every morning I have been able to maintain their status quo, including 6K steps a day and various other exercise classes. I have also purchased little gel arch support inserts for all my flat shoes.

• My wife and I are in our mid-70s and know that our daily walks are still there because swimming has helped us exercise our ankles, knees and hip joints without gravity. Having been a lifelong avid daily swimmer has helped me through countless muscle and joint stress episodes such as: 90-degree knee turn around when ski-binding did not release, bicycle crashes, being knocked through the air by a speeding car, and 40 years of rugby. Shar taught first grade for 42 years, so was up and down from circle time on the floor perhaps 20,000 times, as well as years of Polynesian dancing ,and prefers gentle aqua-size while I do daily lengths.

R.L. Read and Shar Coop

• Walking has always been my preferred mode of transportation. I walked to work for more than 20 years for a slower start to my day and a built-in unwind at the end. Taking care of my feet is imperative if I want to continue walking. I wear custom-made orthotics in my supportive shoes, which need replacing sooner than I’d like. My aging hips and knees tell me when I’m overdue for a new pair when I’ve ignored their painful messages. New shoes put a spring in my step and a smile on my face, and I’m ready to go again with happy feet.

• My feet are a mess. I will never wear a heel or pump again. Fear of falling in my advancing years is one reason, the other is my feet hurt. Slippers are heavenly. Or having good support from a running shoe.

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