I listened to warnings about the new “Superman” movie from my friends at Fox News and others in the conservative fear-o-sphere. They told me libs had turned the Man of Steel woke. They warned the movie might propagandize me into thinking immigrants are not entirely evil.

But because I’m brave and believe in doing my own research, I decided to venture out of my Marxism-proof bunker and drive – in a gas-powered car, as God intended – to the local theater to see what the Democrats had done to my favorite superhero.

I had reason to worry. Jesse Watters of Fox News said this version of Superman “fights for truth, justice and your preferred pronouns,” joking that he has “MS13” on his cape, which is a really funny joke if you don’t understand how jokes work, which I don’t.

Director James Gunn sparked the sensible Republican super outrage by telling the Times of London, “I mean, Superman is the story of America. An immigrant that came from other places and populated the country. But for me, it is mostly a story that says basic human kindness is a value and is something........

© USA TODAY