One of the most challenging things to do as a communicator is to convince someone you disagree with to listen to you. You’re fighting against a host of psychological phenomena that prevent people from changing their minds or listening to those with whom they disagree. Persuasion is incredibly difficult because we’ve evolved to cling to our views no matter what.

One of the most pronounced psychological blockages is the backfire effect, which states that when people are confronted with information that challenges their opinion, even if it is indisputable, they will hold onto their views even more strongly than before.

So, what are we to do in a world where there is so much misinformation and zombie lies flying around? Dr. Alison Wood Brooks, a professor at Harvard Business School who studies conversation and emotion, shares the key to having a constructive dialogue with people we disagree with is: Don’t invalidate them.

Couple arguing during therapy.via Canva/Photos

The moment we invalidate someone by saying, “I disagree,” we’ve killed our chance at persuading them. Dr. Books believes that changing people’s beliefs is important, but it only happens over time. So, it's pointless to disagree at the onset of the conversation. “The only way that we change our beliefs is usually across many conversations and we're around someone we like talking to and respect and have admiration for. And then over time, we sort of bend to the gentle pressure of their differing viewpoint,” she told Bartlett.

Dr. Brooks shared her strategy in a recent appearance on the Diary of a CEO podcast with Steven Bartlett.

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“Even if you're right, like it's not about being right or wrong in that moment. The goal here is to keep the conversation in an emotional place where it can continue. So, you can continue to engage. And that's what these researchers find in this receptiveness recipe,” Dr. Books said. The receptiveness recipe is a research project by Harvard and the University of British Columbia that created a formula for the most effective way to disagree with someone.

“I think often people think of these types of things as weakness because it's like our instinct is to try to win and be right. And instead, what I'm saying is no, hedge your claims. Show that you're uncertain about stuff. Validate their feelings. Divide yourself into disagreeing parts because you're not certain about anything, in order to keep the conversation going, so that you have any shred of hope of persuading them over the longer term.”

If they say the sky is purple:

“That’s interesting. I'd love to hear more.”

“As a painter, who knows a bit about color, that is so intriguing.”

The key is to make it an emotionally safe dialogue and show you’re interested in what they have to say. In turn, they'll be more receptive to your thoughts.

Two coworkers debate each other.via Canva/Photos

“I wrote this chapter in my book called 'Do Not Disagree.' It's an intentionally provocative chapter because people think, ‘What do you mean, never disagree with anybody?’ But I mean, don't make the first thing you say 'I disagree,'" Bartlett adds.

“That's right. It can come later,” Dr. Books added. “It can come later, but first has to come like ‘Oh, it's so intriguing that you said that. I'm so fascinated, and it makes sense that you might feel that way. I wonder if…’ and then you can go on instead of ‘I disagree.’”

Ultimately, the key is understanding that changing someone’s mind takes time and is nearly impossible if we shut down the conversation by invalidating them. By delaying the instant gratification of saying, “You’re wrong! I got you, here are the facts,” you can create a space where they are more open to listening to what you have to say. You've validated their beliefs, so they'll be more likely to consider yours.

What creatures have eight legs, nine brains, and dozens of fun and fascinating facts about them? Octopuses, of course. (Wait, is octopuses or octopi? Octopodes, perhaps?)

However interesting we think our suction-cupped, cephalopodic friends are, we're probably selling them short. That's the contention of Sarah, a comedic content creator on TikTok who's been sharing everything she's learned about octopuses, because they're far more bizarre than we might think.

"However impressed or fascinated you are by octopuses, it's honestly probably not enough," she says. "We are severely underreacting to octopuses collectively."

Once you see her video, it's clear she's not wrong.

Octopuses are fascinating and I DO want to hold a tiny guy if possible just putting that out in to the universe 😬🐙#creatorsearchinsights #octopus #weirdanimals #animalfacts #didyouknow

With a hilariously understated sense of humor, Sarah shares facts like the idea that octopuses don't have tentacles, as many of us have been led to believe, but arms instead. Tentacles have suckers only at the end, while an octopus's arms have them from top to bottom.

"They decorate their front yards with shells and other shiny things they find in the ocean," Sarah says, adding, "I wonder if they judge other octopuses for how they decorate their front yard. Like, is there an octopus HOA?"

Sarah points out that The Beatles' song "Octopus's Garden" was inspired by this delightful fact.

Many of us know that octopuses are smart, but we may not know that they have a brain in each arm in addition to the brain in their heads, which is shaped like a donut. They can solve mazes and complete tricky tasks. And if their beak can fit through a hole, so can their whole body.

"So a fully grown giant Pacific octopus, which can literally be 30 feet long, can fit through a hole the size of a lemon," says Sarah. "And I don't care for that, particularly. I would never say that to an octopus's face because, evidently, they can recognize us, which I find unsettling. Note to self: Do not be mean to an octopus."

Because each arm has its own brain, it can operate independently, complete with its own sensory system.

Each of those arms has its own brain?Photo credit: Canva

"I feel like they're smarter than us," Sarah says. "Are we confident they're not smarter than us? For instance, they will prank their prey. You know the joke where like old men will tap you on one shoulder, but surprise, they're at the other shoulder? Octopus do that. If they're hunting a shrimp, they'll tap it on the faraway........

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