Ralph Waldo Emerson contributed endless wisdom through his essays and poetry during his lifetime. He lived from 1803 to 1882.

The New England author is still revered today for his insights on humanity—so much so that he continues to influence pop culture. The video game Mortal Kombat 3 re-popularized a famous Emerson quote: “There is no knowledge that is not power.”

Emerson was also the father of four children, and his 19th-century parenting advice is still relevant today.

Emerson’s first marriage was to a woman named Ellen Louisa Tucker in September 1829. She suffered from tuberculosis and, unfortunately, died less than two years later in February 1831. Devastated by her death, Emerson wrote this short poem in 1833:

“The days pass over meAnd I am still the sameThe Aroma of my life is goneLike the flower with which it came.“

He married for a second time in September 1835 to Lidian (Lydia) Jackson. The couple went on to have four children: Waldo, born in 1836; Ellen, born in 1839; Edith, born in 1841; and Edward Waldo, born in 1844.

Emerson was a devoted father. His son, Edward Waldo, wrote of his father: “He had a love and tenderness for very small children, and his skill in taking and handling a baby was in remarkable contrast to his awkwardness with animals and tools.”

He also had a close relationship with his second child, Ellen Tucker Emerson. She was equally devoted to her father and never married. Instead, she served as his secretary and editor, as well as his housekeeper and caregiver.

Emerson’s parenting advice

In a letter to Ellen dated 1854, Emerson shared fatherly wisdom that encouraged her to move on from mistakes and live confidently. It’s advice that parents today may still find applicable when trying to instill confidence in their children.

He wrote, as quoted in A Memoir of Ralph Waldo Emerson (1887) by James Elliot Cabot:

“Finish every day and be done with it. For manners and for wise living it is a vice to remember. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. To-morrow is a new day; you shall begin it well and serenely, and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense. This day for all that is good and fair. It is too dear, with its hopes and invitations, to waste a moment on the rotten yesterdays.”

Emerson acknowledges that his daughter will make mistakes, but encourages her not to dwell on them for too long. Each day is a “new day,” and she can move forward with confidence without needing to be perfect.

Tips on raising confident kids

Parents can help their kids process mistakes and move forward without relying on the pressures of achievement and perfectionism. The American Psychological Association (APA) explains that this sense of being valued and supported is called “mattering.”

Mattering is defined as “the feeling of being valued to loved ones and communities, regardless of external evaluations of ‘success’.”

“Young people need to know that they can make a mistake or have a bad performance and they will still be cared about and accepted and perhaps even prized,” Gordon Flett, PhD, a research psychologist at York University in Toronto and author of Mattering as a Core Need in Children and Adolescents: Theoretical, Clinical, and Research Perspectives, told the APA.

To strengthen a sense of mattering, the APA recommends that parents try the following:

Spend engaged time with kids

The goal is to send kids the message that their worth is based on who they are, not what they do. Flett recommends that parents put away their phones and laptops during interactions to encourage better engagement and listening, helping kids feel heard and understood.

This can be done by explaining to kids that mistakes are part of being human and that your love for them is not contingent on never making them.

“As soon as you make those things contingent on achievement, which is very easy to do in this culture, then kids start to learn very quickly that they’re only really worth something when they’ve done well, and they are a failure if they haven’t,” Thomas Curran, PhD, a social psychologist at the London School of Economics and author of The Perfection Trap, explained to the APA. “That creates a dependency on other people’s approval, which is a very quick way to perfectionism.”

According to the APA, volunteering has been studied as a helpful way to build resilience and self-esteem while reducing the pressures of achievement. By focusing on the well-being of others, kids can also develop a stronger sense of usefulness and purpose.

“I would recommend to any parent who’s concerned about a child becoming a workaholic perfectionist who’s only focused on achievement [to] try to model going out there and being prosocial and finding some causes,” Flett said.

While a bottle of bubbles might seem out of place in a hospital setting, you might be surprised to learn that, for thousands of children around the world born with cleft lip and palate, they can be a helpful tool in comprehensive cleft care. Lilia, who was born with cleft lip and palate in 2020, is one of the many patients who received this care. 

As a toddler, Lilia underwent two surgeries to treat cleft lip and palate with Operation Smile’s surgical program in Puebla, Mexico. Because of Operation Smile’s comprehensive care, it wasn’t long before her personality transformed: Lilia went from a quiet and withdrawn toddler to an exuberant, curious explorer, babbling, expressing herself with a variety of sounds, and engaging with others like any child her age. 

Lilia is now a healthy five-year-old, with the same cheerful attitude and boundless energy. Her progress is the result of care at every level, from surgery to speech therapy to ongoing support at home—but it’s also evidence that small, sustained interventions throughout it all can make a meaningful difference. 

Cleft Conditions: A Global Problem

Since 1982, Operation Smile has provided cleft lip and cleft palate surgeries to more than 500,000 patients worldwide with the help of generous volunteers and donors. Cleft conditions are congenital conditions, meaning they are present at birth. With cleft lip and palate, the lip or the roof of the mouth do not form fully during fetal development. Cleft conditions put children at risk for malnutrition and poor weight gain, since their facial structure can make feeding challenging. But cleft conditions can have an enormous social impact as well: Common difficulties with speech can leave kids socially isolated and unable to meet the same developmental milestones as their peers. 

Surgery is a vital step in treating cleft conditions, but it’s also just one part of a much larger solution. Organizations like Operation Smile emphasize the importance of multi-disciplinary teams that provide comprehensive, long-term care to patients across many years. This approach, which includes oral care, speech therapy, nutritional support, and psychosocial care, not only aids in physical recovery from surgery but also helps children develop the skills and confidence to eat easily, speak clearly, and engage in everyday life. This ensures that each patient receives the full range of support they need to thrive. 

A Playful (and Powerful) Solution

Throughout a patient’s care, simple tools like bubbles can play a meaningful role from start to finish. 

Immediately before surgery, children are often in a new and unfamiliar environment far from home, some of them experiencing a hospital setting for the first time. When care providers or loved ones blow bubbles, it’s a simple yet effective technique: Not only are the children soothed and distracted, the bubbles also help create a sense of joy and playfulness that eases their anxiety. 

In speech therapy, bubbles can take on an even more important role. Blowing bubbles requires controlled airflow, as well as the ability to form a rounded “O” shape with the lips, which are skills that children with cleft conditions may struggle to develop. Practicing these skills with bubbles allows children to gently strengthen their facial muscles, improve breath control, and support the motor skills needed for speech development. Beyond that, blowing bubbles can help kids connect with their parents or providers in a way that’s playful, comforting, and accessible even for very young patients. 

Finally, bubbles often follow patients with cleft conditions home in the “smile bags” that each patient receives when the surgical procedure is finished. Smile bags, which help continue speech therapy outside of the hospital setting, can contain language enrichment booklets, a mirror, oxygen tubing, and bubbles. While regular practice with motor skills can help with physical recovery, small acts of play help as well, giving kids space to simply enjoy themselves and join in on what peers are able to do.

Bubbles at Home and Beyond

Today, because of Operation Smile’s dedication to comprehensive cleft care, Lilia is now able to make friends and speak clearly, all things that could have been difficult or impossible before. Instead of a childhood defined by limitation, Lilia—and others around the world—can look forward to a childhood filled with joy, learning, discovery, friends, and new........

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