Life in a civilized society involves following various rules, whether we want to or not. That’s all well and good. But life also includes a lot of “rules” that aren’t actually rules, and recognizing the difference has made an enormous difference in my quality of life.

Real rules in my life include actual laws, the spiritual laws of my chosen faith, and contractual agreements I’m legally bound by. That’s basically it. Everything else is made up. Literally. Eating three meals a day? That’s a made-up rule. Going to college right out of high school? That’s a made-up rule. Not wearing white after Labor Day? That’s definitely a made-up rule.

‘Is this a real rule or a made-up rule?’

Any time I find myself feeling limited by external circumstances, I ask, “Is this a real rule or a made-up rule?” If it’s a made-up rule, I assess whether it’s something I actually need or want to abide by. And that question applies to so many things in life.

For example, it’s normal to have a sofa in your living room, right? I have one because I like sofas, but there’s no rule that says you have to have a sofa in your living room. You could literally fill your living room with individual bean bag chairs or a........

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