There I was, on YouTube, watching Jason Statham in Exterminator 53: Pocket Lint, wiping out eight bad guys with a graham cracker or something, when the red light started flashing on my alert-o-tron.

Turns out the James Webb telescope had just detected an entirely new radiation signature and in doing so, pointed to the probable existence of a new — well, new to us — second universe.

Wow! plus an expletive or two, just to show I’m sincere in my awe. Now, can I return to Planet Jason, please?

I have no additional information about this cosmic discovery, because I’m intellectually lazy and uncurious, but Gene’s Used Planet Shop is more than pleased to announce a Way Past Wholesale Sale!!! limited to the first seven trillion callers, if you would like a planet in the second universe named after you, a loved one or your dog, Muffy.

Call now, or come see me after the show.

“Gradus ad Parnassum” is a Latin phrase — informally, “progress is hard” and more literally, “measured steps to the mountaintop.”

Sounds like a conservative thing, doesn’t it? Considered. Circumspect. Knowing. Not a misplaced syllable. Not even a whiff of passion or creative adventure or intellectual risk. Cool. No juice.

Even the names. Conservative: all stop signs and disapproval. Liberal: flow and beauty. Those........

© Times Colonist