Scientists have discovered that every individual human being has a unique scent profile, kind of like a fingerprint.

What is obvious to every dog on the planet may not be to every person, depending on various factors such as whether or not you had to share a room with older brothers, or if you have visited one of the banjo-playing American states where personal hygiene is recommended but not mandatory.

Nevertheless, it’s nice to have empirical confirmation that Uncle Mark in Port Moody really does Smell Like That. There are objective, verifiable reasons why nobody wants to ride in the back seat with him.

As part of a university research project aimed at proving it’s still possible to secure federal government research dollars for almost anything, so long as you have the dean’s support, scientists studied the distinctive odour of armpit sweat, urine and saliva of 197 adults from a village in the Austrian Alps.

You have questions. I have questions.

First off, I can assure you the samples were analyzed using stir bar sorptive extraction in connection with thermal desorption gas chromatograph-mass spectrometry. I don’t know what that means, but I admire how much it sounds like scientists doing science, not weirdos smelling other people’s armpits and........

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