THE BEST LAID plans of mice and monarchs don’t come without a few glitches. But Trump’s Freedom 250 celebration is rapidly descending into a national farce of Fyre Festival proportions.

Conflating the US President’s 80th Birthday with America’s 250th celebration was inevitable, as were the monarchial pretensions, Napoleonic L’Etat, c’est moi undercurrent and nod to the Roman emperors’ penchant for gladiatorial combat as entertainment.

A week ago, the merger seemed plausible if unimaginative. Trump’s Big Birthday would be the springboard for almost three weeks of celebrations, kicking off with the UFC cage fight extravaganza on the White House lawn.

Washington, Dc, USA. 31st May, 2026. US President Donald Trump returns to the White House after visiting his golf course. Alamy Stock Photo Alamy Stock Photo

A series of spectacular concerts (their words, not mine) featuring America’s greatest stars and music legends (ditto) would follow while the National Mall transformed itself into a giant fairground for the 16-day Great American State Fair jamboree.

In the meantime, Washington DC’s memorials and monuments would receive a $100 million (€85.84 million) Trump-themed makeover and a drive-by dousing of 24-carat gold leaf. The US President is throwing the stuff around like a demented King Midas. So far, so Trumpy.

Like any Birthday celebration, it wouldn’t be complete without a few epic tantrums from the toddler-in-chief. One fit of pique was prompted by a 92-page federal court order that could be distilled as follows: reopen the Kennedy Center and take your name off the building. Pronto.

A second meltdown was triggered by the tsunami of no-shows. It’s been a standing joke in DC for decades that Republican presidents couldn’t get a kick in a celebrity stampede. Not since Elvis visited the Nixon White House has any self-respecting performer wanted anything to do with a Republican presidential event.

Construction underway for the Great American State Fair at the National Mall, set to take place from June 25 to July 10. Alamy Stock Photo Alamy Stock Photo

As befits a former reality TV star, Trump has a smattering of D-listers – Kid Rock, Mel Gibson and Mike Tyson amongst them – in his orbit. But unlike Clinton or Obama, he can’t pick up the phone and summon Springsteen, Beyoncé, Billie Eilish and Lady Gaga like he’s ordering a pizza.

For Trump, who craves the adulation of those who despise him and despises those who idolise........

© TheJournal