‘You’ve lost weight’: What to say instead next time you greet a friend

March 22, 2026 — 5:00am

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Imagine David Attenborough’s voice as I expound on behaviour unique to women today.

The modern females of the species are hard-wired to nurture, and never is this more evident than when they greet each other after an absence. You will note the female’s voice will rise in octaves; their arms will open to embrace, and they may even coo in delight. What will ensue is a verbal comment, usually flattering in nature:“You look so thin!” “You look so young!”

These are common greetings, encouraging females to feel welcome and safe in each other’s presence. It is a peculiar trait that has evolved from the rudimentary parlance of the species, words such as “hello”, “greetings” and “welcome”. The message seems not to focus on the health or happiness of the rival female, but rather is a compliment based purely on appearance.

You don’t have to be a legendary natural historian to witness this display from women every day, or to instinctively perform it. I see it constantly and muster all my powers to make sure I don’t follow suit in my own........

© The Sydney Morning Herald