After moving to Melbourne from Sydney 10 years ago, I can confirm that Melburnians are absolutely friendlier and more polite on average – except when driving. Then, all of a sudden, they turn into rage-filled maniacs with the impulse control of a toddler.

I was warned about this by a friend who’d made the move before me – and I didn’t believe him. After all, driving in Sydney is hardly relaxing. But my friend, who much preferred Melbourne in every other way, was right.

Melbourne drivers are not to be trifled with.Credit: Eddie Jim

Decades of driving did not prepare me for the utter mayhem of Melbourne motoring and soon, as he predicted, I found myself screaming in terror and frustration as people tailgated, screamed and aimed their cars at mine.

Driving here is like playing Grand Theft Auto, only instead of muscle-bound thugs wanting to kill you, it’s … well, everyone and everything, from mums speeding away from their children’s school as if they can’t get away fast enough, to massive potholes that threaten to cripple your car.

Rules? What rules? When I was a young driver – back in Sydney – I was obsessed with them. Down here, it often feels like the only rule is to not hit another car. Or at least, to try not to.

Only in Melbourne is it entirely legal to........

© The Sydney Morning Herald