While strolling through sunny markets with my five-year-old daughter last week, we encountered a bare bum. Bare bums aren’t an anomaly in my kids’ lives; quite the opposite. They’re an endless source of fascination, whether it’s your brother’s plump cheeks ripe for whacking, improving your flatuosity or de-panting to run unfettered through a sprinkler. They’re everywhere.

But in this case, a woman was wearing a G-string bikini, perusing the homemade candles. “Mummy,” my daughter exclaimed, eyes wide, “I can see her bum!” This blew her mind. While bare bums are a hallmark of my daughter’s childhood, after her pulling-pants-down-for-a-laugh phase, we’ve drilled into her: put your bum away; no one wants to see it. How confusing for her to see this fully grown adult getting around in a G-banger like a back-up dancer for Robin Thicke.

Blue Mountains City Council has banned G-string bikinis at its pools, causing online outrage, but not everyone wants to see your bare bum.Credit: iStock

Sure, Michelangelo himself could have sculpted her bottom. Maybe there’s some jealousy, given that my bum in a G-string would look like someone trying to hold........

© The Sydney Morning Herald