A Real Pain was one of my favourite films of recent years, a tragicomic exploration of family, history, place and identity featuring two Americans in Poland – specifically in Warsaw and Lublin. 

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My wife was also quite smitten – with Lublin as much as the film – and on the back of this began planning a weekend in the eastern Polish city. I was a little wary of such an overtly fan-like step – this felt one notch down from trying to emulate an influencer, of all the awful modern things. But she’s very good at arranging interesting weekends overseas on a miniscule budget so on this question I relented. And so it was that I found myself recently arising at 3am and heading to Luton, on which I felt sure Poland would prove an upgrade.  

The first thing I noticed on landing was that Lublin was the coldest place on earth. Or certainly the coldest place on earth that I have ever been to. And I come from northern Scottish stock out of Canada so I’m not one to complain about a wee chill – but this was another order of cold entirely. Lublin was the kind of cold that freezes your eyeballs, the kind that makes you struggle to think straight. I don’t think the thermometer crept above minus eight at any moment during our stay. The day after we left it would reach minus 22. There was snow two feet deep piled to the side of every street or pavement. And those streets were almost empty so........

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