It would be terrible bad manners of me not to thank Aberdeen City Council for my brand new shiny rubbish bin.

It’s a lovely chocolate brown colour with excellent wheels and topped with an open grill just under its bonnet to let the air in – and allow pongs to escape, I presume.

My “240L” bin size was a definite upgrade; like a new car with higher spec.

This was important because my old brown bin looked like an environmental disaster waiting to happen.

Something nasty was oozing from underneath and created a constant stream of putrid-smelling liquid.

Resembling a puddle of something creepily awful in which Ellie and Joel might have found themselves stuck up to their ankles in post-apocalyptic thriller The Last of Us.

Our broken-down old bin must have been a quarter of a century old and endured a hard life.

Adorned with large stickers of pink flamingos attached by my wife to make it look less bin-like and more sparkly bedroom cupboard.

Time took its toll – the flamingos looked faded and weary; aching to fly away somewhere.

However, the real killer was that years of punishment – of being spun into the air behind a bin lorry and smashed unceremoniously........

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