At this rate the only businesses who will want to invest in Britain after the budget are heroin dealers. No 10 used to have a news grid, now it has an apology grid. Even so, why did Keir Starmer apologise for a sensationally self-destructive round of briefing against Wes Streeting if he didn’t do it? This is like me apologising for accidentally releasing sex offenders from prison. I suppose there is the occasional previous example in public life. Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor apologised for his association with Jeffrey Epstein and gave a woman he’d never met a reported £12m. Perhaps that provides the prime minister with the warming cover of precedent.

If you’re just joining us, this is a week in which the government finally achieved the chaos spiral of several recent Conservative administrations. We can now officially say: same car, different clowns. We are less than two weeks out from the budget, with Friday morning’s Downfall meme being yet another U-turn, with the chancellor reportedly not going ahead with her all-but-confirmed plans to raise basic- and higher-rate income tax. The gilt markets reacted accordingly, if by accordingly we mean “made emergency calls for Andrex” – but then new Treasury briefings insisted it was all actually good news and based on better forecasts. Tell you what Rachel Reeves won’t raise: fuel duty on circus vehicles.

Seriously, nothing says “budget responsibility” like sending a second budget plan to the Office for

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