There aren’t many people who understand the stress that the celebrity Traitors Cat Burns and Alan Carr have been feeling as their stint wearing that famous green cloak draws to an end – but I do. I spent four weeks lying, cheating and murdering friends and colleagues in our office version of The Traitors.

I almost lost my mind.

Everyone watches The Traitors and sees the contestants, Traitors and Faithfuls alike, act irrationally and make poor decisions and thinks: “That wouldn’t be me. I’d be rational. I wouldn’t be Linda from series three, immediately giving the game away. I’d be Harry from series two, emotionally manipulating a girl with a colostomy bag.”

Reader, I was once like you. I was so certain of my rationality that on New Year’s Day I tweeted my confidence I would be “extremely normal” if I were ever on the show.

Little did I know that one of my colleagues was donning metaphorical eyeliner and fringe to act as Claudia Winkleman. Just a week........

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