Greetings, Dear Reader,

I’m going to do something I pretty much never do outside of my close family members.

Shall we?

THE SOLE SOCIETAL IMPERATIVE

I’m 44 today, which means I’m optimistically a little more than half dead.

My staff here will be surprised to read this. I’ve never disclosed my birthday to anyone and have asked every operations manager not to staff-wide email well wishes when Feb. 4 rolls around on the calendar.

We all have our little peccadilloes, and for me, the ritual seems so arbitrary. Fielding all the attention is a distraction, frankly. When people would ask me directly, I’d usually just say my birthday was in 1982 and leave it at that.

If it weren’t for the women in my life, I’d likely breeze right by it. I once spent an entire year thinking I was 37 until one day my wife was telling people I had just turned 37. Apparently news to me.

Yes, I’ve been somewhat of a birthday grinch. As far as I’m concerned, after the discovery of antibiotics and the advancement of modern dentistry, birthdays are basically meaningless outside of Sub-Saharan Africa.

Perhaps if I were a fisherman off the coast of Alaska, I’d take a beat when the anniversary comes. But I have a laptop job in Northern Virginia in 2026 America. Should anyone be surprised I survived yet another year? Shocker!

This morning, as I was in a daycare classroom saying goodbye to my daughter, who is about to turn four this upcoming March, she ran up to a complete stranger who was also dropping off her kid.

“My daddy’s birthday is today and we’re going to the bakery!” 

Her joy was so undeniable that she couldn’t help herself. Others must know the news.

The complete stranger smiled at her and looked up at me.

“Happy birthday!”

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Having children is a radicalizing experience. In modern America, it’s also increasingly an act of rebellion. In terms of culture, nation, the human race, and the very cosmos, having children is not just an existential imperative, but an act of persistence, patriotism, optimism, and service.

On an individual level, I frankly don’t care who you are or what you’ve achieved in life, if you never had kids, you are a failure. (It really puts into perspective the tragedy and heartbreak of being born sterile.) 

On a societal or group level, there is no more acute measure of spirit and health than the birth rate.

But Geoff, you say, the aforementioned Sub-Saharans have tons of kids. So do people facing poverty historically.

Sadly, in that context, kids are commodities and insurance policies. The more you have, the more opportunity for the family. Kids age. They eventually work. They’re useful. Plus, when infant mortality is so high, couples tend to roll the dice much more........

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